Reading - Marriage

Marriage

Mutual respect and open communication are critical requirements for a successful marriage. I am not married, but I have watched my parents and other married couples closely for over twenty years, and am convinced that two people in a marriage or any serious relationship will not thrive, or even survive if those are not consistently present.

In the article by Melanie Sumner, there are a number of issues that are evident to me. Lack of mutual respect, poor communication, and even hostility. Clearly, psychological issues, such as the passive-aggressive behavior exhibited by the husband, exist. However, details regarding the deep unresolved issues that lead to their divorce are not provided to analyze the situation fully, and the purpose of this paper is to comment on information that is provided.

There are some general conclusions that can be drawn from the narrative. Regarding respect, the wife asked her husband for years to change his “milk glass” habit. The patience she exhibited indicates to me one-sided respect, but at best that respect certainly was not returned. It seems to me that the counselor’s note to pick up a gallon of milk after work could possibly been a reminder to himself to be considerate and show respect for his wife. Or it could indicate how disconnected and uninterested he was in that session, causing him to be ineffective and possibly contributing to the demise of the marriage.

Also, I am not clear about their level and quality of communication. Did they ever discuss why the habit was so annoying, and why the husband refused to perform such an easy, simple task that would have shown respect for his wife? His passive-aggressive behavior in the counselor’s office and in not changing his habit indicates to me something that could be much deeper.

But I am left wondering about two things. Was the real issue here is lack of respect, poor communication, deep seated emotional and psychological issues, or a combination? Also, the counselor stated that the behavior would not change and it did not until their divorce, but with proper counseling and enough work on the issues, would there have been a different outcome? I am not sure that the counselor was truly wise, or if he simply became part of the problem by not taking the time to effectively communicate steps and actions needed to correct the situation.

My Brother!

One of the happiest moments I have had in my life happened this past weekend; not to me but to my younger brother.

Growing up my brother and I fought a lot. We were close in age and there was a lot of sibling rivalry, it was mostly my fault. Partly because it seemed that everything came easier to him, and he was better at: school, sports even size. He was two years younger and even when I was six he was as tall as me. Everyone in my family made a big deal about how big he was going to be, how smart he was, I felt so jealous. I was intelligent and going to be well above average in height, but I was always comparing myself to my brother, younger brother, who was, as i felt, even more blessed, and I was average at best.

You would never have guessed that we would even talk now based on us as kids. This silly rivalry I created, along with him being younger and wanting to tag along with my activities, caused a lot of fights.

I never hurt him physically though, at least not during a fight or on purpose. Even when he would try and kick me or hit me, because I provoked him and deserved it, I would hold on to his limbs just enough to protect myself. To this day I regret every fight I triggered with my brother, I feel horrible about how I treated him.

I never hated him, i didnt blame him for his talents, even though they seemed to cast a shadow, covering any of my abilities. I blamed life, I always thought I picked the short straw in the gene pool. Then my brother and I grew up. We became less of connected brothers and more individuals. We didnt interact much during our years in high school, we had very different likes and dislikes. Again I blame myself for this, my brother is one of those truly great men who is always there for others, compassionate and chivalrous far beyond what is currently the definition of a good person. He is someone whom everyone that has the chance to meet, has had nothing but admiration and praise for. I was the one to keep my distance, at least on a sub-conscience level because I was the talented one among my friends and i thought he would replace me.

After High School I moved away to play hockey, I didnt talk to my brother very much, but i missed him from the moment I left home.

I came back from a great season of hockey and instantly we were best friends, it was very weird, like we had been the best of friends all our lives.

I grew up a lot, which is what was needed for us to become close. Now anytime someone tells me I am smart, I say, "you should meet my brother, he is a genius". Or i brag about how good he is at sports or how fast he is or any one of a thousand other great things. I also stick up for him, I have become extremely protective of him, even though he can handle himself. When his longtime girlfriend was treating him poorly, and he had too big of a heart to hurt her feelings, I fought her because I knew she was hurting his.

He let me plan his 21st birthday, I felt like i was given the biggest honor, and I had so much fun. I asked him to my best man at my wedding, I didn't even have to stop to think of who I would want, there wasn't even a close runner up; If he wouldn't have liked the girl I chose, or if she ever did anything wrong towards him, I wouldn't stay with her.

I feel that we really do have a bond that goes far beyond friendship, he has become my best friend, the person I trust the most, that I tell eveything to, and whose oppinion and feelings matter more to me than my own. Our bond strengthens with time,no matter what, even during periods we arent able to spend much time together.

This past Saturday was one of the happiest moments in my life. My brother plays football for Hillsdale and they were playing Grand Valley; the number one team in the nation, they hadn't lost a league game in several years, and had won something like 5 National Championships in the last 8 years (the other three they were runners-up).

This was also his homecoming game, of his senior year. His team was un-ranked, they didn't stand a chance; the hope of everyone was that they wouldn't get blown out at homecoming.

My brother was nominated for homecoming court, for which he needed a fill-in during the game because he had to play; he asked me. I was honored, i also got to sit with my dad and watch in between my duties.

Just before the game I said to my dad that Ben, my brother, needs to be a part of a game that is so great he will remember it forever. I said just like a couple of my games that I had played flawlessly ( I was a goalie) to beat teams that should have killed us, and would have 99 out of a 100 times. I said to my dad i want Ben to experience that feeling, of complete happiness, that he would remember forever.

I watched as my brother plowed into the kick returner, he got there first and made the first tackle of the game. He played perfect the rest of the competition.

His team hung in there, a lot of times their opponent looked as though they would begin dominating to put a win for Hillsdale out of reach. However, the stars aligned, and every time Hillsdale needed an "impossible," play to stay in it they got one.

Me and my dad counted down the remaining few minutes, which seemed like days, to watch his team WIN. My brothers senior year, homecoming game, winning an "unbeatable," opponent. It was as big of an upset as the U.S. hockey team beating Russia, a victory so huge that the rest of the season doesn't even seem to matter. As the last few seconds were counted down I started jumping and yelling out of joy.

I was so happy it was if it had happened to me, only it felt better than the times it did happen for me. It was like the best thing in the world had happened to the best part of me. As i was basically crying from joy, I hugged him in his equipment, on the field lifting him up and telling him congrats.

I am so proud of him, I actually would rather see amazing things happen for him than myself, I cannot explain it. He is a part of me, as much as my own body, i would do anything for him, I would die for him and we share every secret with each other.

I would have never guessed i would even talk with him very much if someone asked me in High school, just because we were so different. Now I can't imagine a life without him.

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