Reading - Marriage

Marriage

Mutual respect and open communication are critical requirements for a successful marriage. I am not married, but I have watched my parents and other married couples closely for over twenty years, and am convinced that two people in a marriage or any serious relationship will not thrive, or even survive if those are not consistently present.

In the article by Melanie Sumner, there are a number of issues that are evident to me. Lack of mutual respect, poor communication, and even hostility. Clearly, psychological issues, such as the passive-aggressive behavior exhibited by the husband, exist. However, details regarding the deep unresolved issues that lead to their divorce are not provided to analyze the situation fully, and the purpose of this paper is to comment on information that is provided.

There are some general conclusions that can be drawn from the narrative. Regarding respect, the wife asked her husband for years to change his “milk glass” habit. The patience she exhibited indicates to me one-sided respect, but at best that respect certainly was not returned. It seems to me that the counselor’s note to pick up a gallon of milk after work could possibly been a reminder to himself to be considerate and show respect for his wife. Or it could indicate how disconnected and uninterested he was in that session, causing him to be ineffective and possibly contributing to the demise of the marriage.

Also, I am not clear about their level and quality of communication. Did they ever discuss why the habit was so annoying, and why the husband refused to perform such an easy, simple task that would have shown respect for his wife? His passive-aggressive behavior in the counselor’s office and in not changing his habit indicates to me something that could be much deeper.

But I am left wondering about two things. Was the real issue here is lack of respect, poor communication, deep seated emotional and psychological issues, or a combination? Also, the counselor stated that the behavior would not change and it did not until their divorce, but with proper counseling and enough work on the issues, would there have been a different outcome? I am not sure that the counselor was truly wise, or if he simply became part of the problem by not taking the time to effectively communicate steps and actions needed to correct the situation.